Saturday, 18 June 2011

Listography - Inventions

This week’s listography topic over at Kate Takes 5 is ‘inventions that would make my life easier’.

So, I present to you……

The body maintenance booth: Stagger in first thing bleary eyed and sporting the dragged-through-a-hedge-backwards look and come out looking immaculate. This booth will wash/scrub/polish/moisturise/shave/trim/blowdry and style your hair with optional extras of a manicure and pedicure. The process would take between 1 and 5 minutes.
Zip off boobs: When going to have your baby you would be offered an optional procedure: A simple, painless operation which would allow your boobs to be zipped on and off. Your pair could then be attached to a contraption worn by your husband. Gosh I just had a last read through before publishing and almost forgot an important point- this would be to FEED YOUR BABY, not just for your husband’s enjoyment while you weren’t available. Heaven forbid!

Sleep button: Kid wakes up in the night? Just press the sleep button. Kid having a tantrum in the supermarket? Press the sleep button. Fancy a night out? You won’t even have to fork out to hire babysitters. Press the sleep button and just throw the kids in your handbag and off you trot. (Sorry Kate this is a bit of a rip off of yours, but it had to make the list!)

Automatic bottom wiper: For the children of course. I’m not that lazy. Or posh.

But all these would be redundant if I could invent a…..

Cloning machine: How many times have you wished you could be in two places in once?

I think about ten would suffice:there would be Kelly the Masterchef, Kelly the Stuff Shuffler, Kelly the Bottom and Snot Wiper, Kelly the All-Singing-All-Dancing-Entertainer, Kelly the Masseuse, Kelly the Social Butterfly, Kelly the Successful Career Woman, Kelly the Social Networker, Kelly the Time Manager and finally the one who sits on her butt co-ordinating all the clones (This would obviously be the real me).

So, what have I missed?

I’m going over to Kate's now to check out other peoples’ entries. Join me.


  1. ha ha zip off boobs, great idea. About to start the trek of breastfeeding another baby and manys the time I wished I could just hand the job over to my husband at 3am instead. I vote for this one!

  2. Zip off boobs!! Thought you were being a bit of a sauce pot for a minute.. until I read on. Clearly zip off boobs for child feeding purposes only.

  3. Boobs! I did wonder where you were going with that one! Whether you would have different sizes for what you errr mrs!

  4. Love the body maintenance machine - though it would have to include pain free waxing.

  5. Oh and btw - thank you for having me on your lovely blog roll :)

  6. I will put in an order for a Body Maintenance Booth immediately! Thanks.

  7. yes to all, particularly the optional change of breasts!

  8. I want a sleep button for my wee one! He is an great sleeper but an early riser!

  9. Thanks for your comments everybody! Right, to work on these ideas.....

  10. Zip off boobs? Which presumably means they would zip-on, so you could rent them out for parties and lesser-blessed ladies. Hell, you could even lend them to men so they can have a, of what it's like to have 'em.

  11. I'm def going to work on this boobs idea if you lot are anything to go by!

  12. Zip off boobs is fab and I have thought of them before largely to get rid of unwanted male attentions.
    I love love love your first invention.
    I have joined in Listography for first time this week - what fun!


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