Sunday, 8 May 2011

Retale therapy

So here is my first post! As the title of my blog promised it's a 'tale' from the Simmonds household. I have to admit it's an old piece of writing, but I promise to get something up to date on soon. 

Date: 10th January 2010
Location: Workington, Cumbria

“No, we don’t need the buggy! The Whirlwind is getting really good at walking along nicely, holding my hand. It’s really quite amazing considering she’s only just two, she’s so clever!"
Famous last words.

First stop, Marks and Spencers. We whizz around as quickly as possible, though spend a little time deliberating between the lamb shanks and the Angus steak pie. Once the decision has been made (the pie, if you’re interested) we head off to the checkouts.
“Come on darling,” I say grabbing The Whirlwind’s hand and walking rather smugly past a Mum struggling to squeeze her squealing offspring into a trolley.
Unpacking the contents of my trolley on to the conveyor belt, I pick up a children’s fish pie. Hmmmm. I don’t remember putting that in there. Hang on….. two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight …. There are nine fish pies in the trolley. Ah, so when we were debating over the merits of the pie versus the lamb, it seems The Whirlwind took it upon herself to make sure she was all sorted for the week. Well, fair enough, I guess that means we’ve brought up our daughter to be an independent, resourceful little girl who also happens to be fully aware of the importance of Omega 3 in one’s diet.  Good stuff. Moving on.

Next stop Debenhams for a spot of good old retail therapy. The first thing that draws The Whirlwind's attention is the carefully thought out Valentine’s display which includes several strategically placed balloons.
‘Boons, boons, boons!” The Whirlwind shrieks, pounding them with her fist.
‘Ooo darling, leave those! Come on let’s have a little walk around. ” I say removing her hands from the mannequin’s lacy thong while simultaneously trying and failing to re-attach the balloons.
“I’d quite like some new shoes,” The Hubster announces wandering over to the shoe section.
“Oooo look Mummy, boats!”  The Whirlwind has removed three tubs of shoe polish off the shelf and is pushing them around the floor. It strikes me that in a two year olds’ mind, everything around them is there purely for their entertainment and that reason only.
“Race you!” The Whirlwind challenges.
“No, not in here….” My voice trails off after I run after her. She’s heading to the till area.
“Stop!” I demand. And she does just that. Right in the middle of a rather lengthy till section.
“Er… no keep going, erm just to the end! Then wait for me there."  I go to meet her at the other end and find her smacking a mannequin’s bottom. She then proceeds to tickle his feet, much to the amusement of a teenage onlooker.
“Feet Mummy, feet. Toes…. knee…tummy….. hand…..arm…… shoulder…oh!” The Whirlwind has a rather alarmed expression on her face. The mannequin seems to be missing a rather important body part – its head.
“ Don’t worry, he’s not a real man, he’s just like a really big doll, erm without a head…” I’m not really reassuring her here and worried that she might start having nightmares about headless mannequins I try to distract her.
“I know, let’s go up the escalators, that’ll be fun!” Once we’re up I try to guide her towards the swimwear section, but too late, she’s just spotted the Peppa Pig merchandise.
 ‘Peppa house! Peppa house! Peppa swings! Peppa swings! Peppa slide! Peppa slide!” The Whirlwind sings, her voice increasing in volume with every new thing she sees. “Oo no, let’s just put these back on the shelf….” Her speed is amazing. She is getting things off the shelf far quicker than I can get them back on. I need a distraction.
“Shall we go and find the lift? You can press the button for me!"  Off we trot. The Whirlwind helpfully touches the button and we wait for the lift. Unfortunately the buttons in the lift are at toddler level and The Whirlwind is in the mood for some serious button pressing action. After visiting the third floor, going down to the first and back up to the second, we finally end up on the ground floor.
 ‘Daddy!” she yells and walks straight over and slots her hand into his. No big deal, I think, I’ve only been attempting to get her to do just that for the last twenty manic minutes. I grit my teeth. As we leave the shop I realize: I haven’t actually looked at a single piece of clothing. Looks like my retail therapy days are over for a while.

Later that day.
‘Here you go poppet, one lovely, yummy Fish pie!” I say as I serve up, apparently, her favourite dish.
“Yuck!!” she says, grimacing and pushing the bowl away. “No!! No!! No!!”
In the background, I can hear Adam on the phone to his parents.
“Yes, we’ve been shopping. Yes, very good. I bought a pair of jeans, a pair of trousers and a work shirt. Yes, yes, she was as good as gold……”

1 comment:

  1. The part about the fish pies just made me laugh out loud. Keep 'em coming Kels. x


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